by Ashley Vauters

On February 17th,2020 my family’s world was turned upside down. As some of you know, this was the day that my dad found out he had congestive heart failure. I remember receiving the call from my mom that my dad heart was in bad shape, and the doctors were sending him to specialist to see what his options were. After looking at my dad’s heart the doctors said that if something wasn’t done, he would have six months to live. I remember the pit in our stomachs as we tried to digest the news we just received. We prepared for the journey to the hospital the next day in expectation that we would be told that my dad would have to undergo open heart surgery.

Well the next few days were a blur as teams of doctors did lots of testing to figure out the next steps. If the previous day hadn’t been hard enough, we were told the unthinkable. The doctors told us that my dad heart was too damaged and dead in multiple spots, making open heart surgery not an option. I remember sitting there feeling like the ground was giving way underneath my feet. Then the doctors started to tell us about heart transplant and mechanical pump options. I remember thinking to myself how can this be? I had never heard of someone not being a candidate for open heart surgery.

At that point in time I had a decision to make. Was I going to trust in the goodness of God and let his peace fill my heart, or was I going to get angry that God would allow this to happen? In those initial days after I found myself crying out to Jesus like I have never done before. I couldn’t begin to understand how this was for the good of my family. It was at this point where I had to trust in the faithfulness of God and look to him and past this circumstance.

Then comes Covid-19 and the reality that my dad was high risk because of his heart failure. To say that fear has wanted to take over my life is an understatement. I have had days where the fear has crept in and tried to steal my joy and hope in Christ. I have had to “exercise myself to Godliness” sometimes to the point of exhaustion trying to speak truth into the lies that the fear wanted to say to my heart. Where we going to stay healthy? What was going to happen with my dad and his heart diagnosis? What was life for my family going to look like with this new diagnosis? These were some of the questions that filled my soul. It was in these times I had to speak what I know.

What did I know to be true? God will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5-7). God will never give us more than we can handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). I forced myself to reflect on my life and the ways I had seen God faithfulness. I had to reflect on what I knew when life seemed to be filled with the unknown. My faith is what kept me grounded during the weeks and months that have followed.

I am saying all of this because I want to encourage each of you in this time of uncertainty. God has us each where we are because his plan is perfect. Even though I am sure there are many questions and fears you have with regards to the future of your ministry, learn to cry out to our Heavenly Father whose love is never failing. He will carry you through this time. I believe that this is a time where there are not many answers on purpose. I believe God is forcing us to live in the power of the Holy Spirit and learn to seek him for answers. God loves us and he wants to give us victory. Regardless of what the future holds, we can trust that God was faithful for our whole lives and he will be faithful now. We must learn to “be still and know that he is God.”